Jacob Wohl, In His Own Words

The story behind the viral story of Jacob Wohl - explained in his own words


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Jacob Wohl has became a internet sensation in the last few months – and he is now letting Culttture in on what he’s been up to.

While memes such as Wohl’s now famous tweet premise about writing from a hipster coffee shop were going viral, Wohl was getting the last laugh from his online infamy.

Here now is Jacob Wohl explained, in his own words:

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Vox news recently published a piece entitled “Jacob Wohl, Explained”, in which they tried to explain the seemingly constantly trending phenomenon known as Jacob Wohl. Ezra Klein, the founder of Vox, originally gained notoriety in 2007 when he was exposed as the founder of a Google Chatroom known as “JournoList”, wherein mainstream media figures colluded to assist Barack Obama’s campaign for President. So unsurprisingly, Vox’s piece took the worn-out tac of describing me as a profiteering conspiracy theorist.

In reality, I’m the opposite of a conspiracy theorist. Rather, I’m a strict utilitarian when in the otherwise emotionally apoplectic world of politics. I’m a practitioner of 5th Generation Political Warfare, and when lobbyists, politicians and special interest groups need to fight with 5th Generation tactics, they call me.

What is Fifth Generation Political Warfare? Good question. In simple terms, 5th Generation Political Warfare is a loosely defined set of tactics and strategies designed to throw certain groups of people into an unhinged, manic frenzy while distracting others into becoming pacified and docile.

Let’s just say (in a completely hypothetical world) that a particular lobbyist was struggling to obtain building permits for his real estate development client. Over and over again, a group of craven environmentalists have proven to be problematic, as they exert online and in-person pressure against local officials. That lobbyist will call me.

I would begin by mapping out the individuals within the local environmentalist groups, carefully noting their levels of commitment and influence. To expedite the people-mapping process, I might start an environmental petition online and promote it locally via Facebook to see who signs it and shares it. After doing so, I may discover that there is a lot of crossover between these local environmentalists and a local self-help/empowerment group for women. When I examine how many members the local women’s group has, I discover that this group represents a plurality of the environmentalist. And thus my mission is born: hijack a local women’s empowerment group and distract them into being outraged about something other than my the troubled real estate development and whether or not it obtains permits.

Politics is fun. And because politics are so fun, hired guns like myself are more common that any Democratic purist would care to imagine. Sometimes, to change minds in a way that involves subterfuge, you have to spin up a conspiracy theory. Other times, you have to infiltrate and influence a local women’s empowerment group. This doesn’t make you a conspiracy theorist or a women’s empowerment figure.

I won’t apologize for supporting President Trump or the State of Israel. And I won’t apologize for the strategies and tactics that I use to do so. I’m a political mercenary, but a very, very principled one.

– Jacob Wohl


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Andrew Meyer

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